Forgiveness does not negate accountability

Forgiveness does not negate accountability

People have the wrong idea about forgiveness.

You have been told time and time again that when you forgive, you have to automatically restore the relationship, everything automatically goes back to how it was, how it used to be, and everyone must act as if nothing has happened.

That is complete nonsense and furthest from the truth.

Forgiveness simply is releasing the obligation you have determined, that you have compiled in head, on what someone has to do, to restore you and make you whole.

Again, Forgiveness is releasing the obligation that someone owes you, that they must do something to make it right.  You in turn are released from requiring anything from that person.

But it does not mean, there is automatic restoration, or no consequences for the wrong done. There is still the need for accountability also.

Here is the entire process of forgiveness to restoration:

1. forgive,
2. reconcile,
3. restore,
4. relationship. 
5. continual accountability

It does not always happen automatically in one fell swoop. We wish it did in every scenario, but that is not realistic.

Even with Christ, when he forgave us on the cross, this did not automatically result in complete restored experienced day to day relationship.  The obligation of us to do something to prove that we are acceptable, and any barrier of entry for an actual relationship was removed.  That is what forgiveness is. We still had to be reconcile, engage with Him, give our lives, and experience the restoration with changed behavior and mindsets.  It's a process.

Only with special friends, at times, once you forgive, the experience of a relationship is restored, where there is no gap between forgiveness and relationship.  I am sure you have experienced this with good friends.  Something breached the relationship, you reconciled, forgive, and the relationship proceeds.  That's special, but that does not always occur.

• Sometimes, for your mental health, you release them from any obligation and you have no more contact with that person.
• Sometimes, you release them from any obligation to make you right, and you enter perhaps a length of time to restore a relationship, now under a new context.
• Sometimes, you release them from any responsibility to make you whole, and still allow a consequence to happen because that is the only way to have behavior changes or changes in mindsets.

But the goal is always removing the obligation that someone has to do something, to jump through hoops for you, in order to qualify to have a relationship.

So if you meet them in the supermarket, they don't have to have the broadest smile towards you, to qualify for forgiveness.  You release them from that obligation.

That does not mean you are now best of pals.

But forgiveness is a start.  And if you have to release that obligation 70 times 7, then do so.  It's actually more for your mental health than theirs.  Just do so, without thinking it actually means that everything is honky dory now.  It's a process.